How to Not Get Hit On at the Gym

A little while back, Rachel over at sheddingit.com posted a video about how to catch your gym crush's eye and seal the deal. Well as a personal trainer at the gym, I get hit on enough already, and sometimes would like to minimize that. I hear everything, even when I'm not looking so cute, so sometimes not getting male attention at the gym is just fine with me. Yes, I'll give you a free workout, but not that kind. No, I will not help you stretch, especially when you ask me like that.

SO, here are my (almost) surefire ways to keep the menfolk at bay if you're like me and sometimes just want to be left the hell alone during your workouts.

If you're on the gym floor:

The look: Start by wearing NO makeup. The darker the circles and duller the skin, the better. The hair should definitely be in a ponytail, and if you've gone a few days without washing, it's going to be even more advantageous to you. Next, pick out your rattiest, oldest, baggiest t-shirt. If you have huge b-ball shorts to go along with it, AWESOME. You're in business. Don't let any hint of your shape be seen. The more you look like a walking sack, the less positive attention you'll attract. Oh, and make sure nothing matches. If you want to go the other direction and dress like you're in an 80s jazzercise video, you can play up the crazy, out-of-touch thing. Just make sure you don't look like Jane Fonda circa 1985 in your getup, or you'll probably get hit on even more, especially by the older gentlemen at the gym who long for the days of neon and spandex gone by.

Behavior: First, make sure that iPod/mp3 player/Discman/Walkman (this goes nicely with the 80s aerobics look) is in plain sight. As a trainer who talks to randoms during their workouts all day long, I know it's a lot less intimidating to come up to someone who is sans music. If you don't think your little earbuds will be effective enough, go all out with the big recording studio headphones. You'll look unapproachable and slightly crazy. Perfect. Make sure you rock out to your music as hard as you can, without screwing up your workout, of course. You want to make the point that you are there to actually work out, so don't go overboard with the antics.

If you're lifting, go ahead and grunt a little to get your point across. Do NOT drop the weights though. You can keep people away without pissing them off. If you're doing cardio, do it hard. The easiest people to approach are the ones who are taking it easy on the ellipticals or walking on the treadmills, looking like they're out for a nice Sunday stroll. You shouldn't be doing either of these anyway if you're looking to get an effective workout, but let this serve as a reminder. Ladies, you have to SWEAT. Run or bike hard, and at no point should you smile. Go ahead, look mean. You have my permission.

Bonus Points: Don’t wear deodorant. Yeah. This tip is not for the faint of heart, and I don’t really recommend it, but I’ll give extra credit to whoever tries it as a last resort to get rid of unwanted attention. But again, a last resort. Like, VERY last.

In the pool:

This strategy is WAY easier, since this kind of workout comes with its own inherent buffers. First, you have the water. As soon as you go under, you are excused from communicating with anyone. Only the bold will jump in front of you while you're doing laps in order to start a conversation. And at that point, you have the right to not only look mean, but act mean as well. (I mean, who does that?) However, there are those that just don't get it, so if you're going to swim, again, swim hard. No leisurely laps for you. This way you look like you mean business (which you do, right?). Another built-in advantage to swimming is that almost no one looks cute while doing it. Speedos are not flattering by any means, swim caps make you look bald, and your goggles will inevitably leave red rings around your eyes. Plus, have you seen the faces swimmers make while breathing? Mean muggin' for sure.

So there you have it. Next time you just want to exercise in peace, try one of these tactics, and I can almost* guarantee a flirt-free workout.

*Exceptions do apply, as with the especially oblivious/persistent and those that have seen you looking totally normal and cute at the gym who may or may not be stalking you.

Early to Rise...

So... I'm not sure I've mentioned this, but I am NOT a morning person. The only thing I think when I hear, "The early bird catches the worm," is What's so great about worms? I'll admit that once I get up, I can be really productive, and I'll start feeling a little self-righteous and say, "OK, FINE, it IS nice to be up and getting shiz done before everyone else." But for the most part, when life lets me sleep in a little, I'm pretty appreciative. (and The Great Fitness Experiment post here makes me feel just fine about that.) I'm a night person by nature, and I get really inspired, and my energy goes through the roof at about 8pm. I'll go to work for a 6am client and be dead the whole day, but when nighttime rolls around, my energy spikes back up, especially if you get me talking.

Anyway, this morning I was dragged out of bed at 5am by Beyonce's "Freakum Dress," because I had a 6:30am potential-client workout in the pool. The bus shook me awake a little (there is NO need to drive like that at 5:45, Miss #36 bus driver), but I was still barely trudging along when I got into work. Of course, said client didn't show up, and she was my ONLY client until 1pm, so at first I was a tad annoyed. BUT instead of sitting and pouting in my Speedo or trying to nap in the back room (bad idea when you work with all guys who attack and mess with you when you least expect), I decided to make the best of the situation.

I changed into my running clothes, but because I knew I wouldn't get an amazing long run in (like I said, I peak later in the day), I decided to just crank out a hard 20 minutes to wake me up. I plan on getting a good long swim in later, but MAN, that felt great. I did a quick, sweaty 2.5 miles, cleaned up, and got myself to Starbucks to do some writing -- all before 8:30am. I will admit, as I sit here sipping my coffee, and as everyone else is just starting their day by picking up lattes and venti Americanos to take to work, I am feeling a bit self-righteous. And I'm thinking that maybe every once in a while, I don't mind being the early bird. Even if I really don't like worms.

So I realized I never really went into how I turned my entire career upside down and went into personal training. I don't even really know if I mentioned I was going to do it (might have mentioned it here). I just stopped posting and then I came back and was like, "Blah, blah, quit my job, yadda yadda, and at the gym... ." So here's the story...

I had been working with a trainer at my gym downtown, and I kept complaining about how tired I always was and how much I hated my job (my soul felt it was being sucked out by the industrial strength vacuums my company sold). Slowly that turned into me asking my trainer about his certifications and how everyone at the gym had gotten into training. Finally, he just said, "Why don't you just get certified?" and it just all became so clear. He suggested that I go through ISSA, which turned out to be genius, because it's accredited by the US Department of Education, meaning that my nice office job would pay for it since it counted as continuing education!

Anyway, I planned to get certified, save up a little more money, and then transition into the new job. Well, only problem was that I hated my job SO much that it was affecting the rest of my life. I was so apathetic that I had no motivation to do anything. Except study, that is. Because I knew that the sooner I could get certified, the sooner I could get OUT of a job I knew in my heart was all wrong for me. So I studied nonstop for two months -- on the train, after work, all weekend long. I was just finishing the program when I decided that the day had come to put in my two-weeks notice. So I did, and on my last day of work, I found out I had passed my exam and had become a certified personal trainer. Whew.

Then I took a month off to just enjoy a Chicago summer. I read, I wrote, I tanned (yeah, yeah, I KNOW), I slept. I loved it, but I was ready to get back to work because I was getting restless (my Dad has told me before that he always thought I had ADHD), and, oh right, I was running out of moo-lah. So I decided I needed to start applying to gyms, but I already knew where I wanted to work. I interviewed at a few places, but I had always intended to work at the gym where I had originally trained as a client. I walked in and asked for the fitness director, and as soon as he saw me, he said, "Well, look who it is!" He had me fill out and application and set up a practical interview on the spot. I knew I was going to like this job!

Fast forward to two months later, and I'm slowly building up a client base and loving this job so much more than anything I've ever done. The days are long, and right now the pay is crappy, but I have so much more energy, and I'm so much more positive than I've been in quite some time. It was a change to go from working in a sedate office environment with mostly females to a loud gym with almost all dudes who say plenty of things that the feminist in me says I should be reporting to HR. (Kidding. Sort of.) But I really love everything about it. Work doesn't always feel like work, and exercising and talking to people are part of my job description. And I adore my coworkers, because in this job, it's not weird to be friends with the people you see most of the day. OH, and did I mention I get to wear sweats and spandex and running shoes all day? Plus, believe it or not, I actually feel like I'm using my degree more than I did before. I've always wanted to use my English and Women's Studies majors to do something with women's health/fitness, focusing especially on body image. This job is like the perfect case study for that! And I get to help people get healthy and feel better about themselves. And liking my job this much has motivated me even more to work on the other half of my dream -- writing. So, as I mentioned before, everything in my life might not be perfect right now, but I feel like I'm finally on the right track.

Big or small, what's something you've changed in your life lately?

Bad Reception

So... confession. Lately I haven't been perfectly tuned in to what my body needs or how I'm feeling. I've been so busy and so tired that I've been less than diligent about my health. My workouts have not been completely consistent and my eating hasn't been anywhere near what it should be. I know that keeping up a routine always improves the way I feel, but I've been slipping lately. My food hasn't been completely whole and healthy (packing enough healthy food for a 14-hour day at the gym is hard!), and I'm working on a teeny budget. And I haven't been doing what I need to do to keep my sanity. I haven't been writing and reading as much, so I've felt a little less creative (and a little dumber! I won't lie). Plus, my knees have been killing me for some reason, so the running mileage has decreased and the lower body strength training has been almost null. On a positive note, I have taken up swimming again in lieu of pounding the pavement (or the treadmill), and it's been a really good change of pace.

Anyway, I guess it's time to refresh and find the right station again so I can keep tuning into my health. I need to set a good example as a trainer, and most importantly, I just need to feel good!

First Day of Work!

Hi! Can't make this a long one because I need to get to bed, but today was my first day working at the gym, and I loved it! It's going to be hard work, and it's SO different from what I'm used to (goodbyeeeee, corporate America), but once I get the hang of it, I know it'll be what I was searching for.

Anyway, quick tip from today: If you have a job that requires you to be on your feet allll day, work that core! Strengthening your back and abs will make standing for 10 hours at a time totally bearable. Which is something I need to do myself, since stretching my back when I got home at 9pm tonight almost made me cry.

The Pro in Procrastination

Yesterday I put off working out for a little bit. Like, until 7pm. And the gym closes at 8.

So what's a girl to do when she needs to cram in a good workout in less than an hour? Crank up the intensity, baby! Which is exactly what I did.

Luckily, I can see the gym from my apartment window, so a) it's super close and b) I no longer have an excuse to skip it. Ever. Anyway, I was in by 7:10 and ready to go. I decided to do circuits with little to no rest in order to make it more difficult. Honestly, because it was so quick, I was worried that I hadn't worked hard enough, but this morning I woke up pretty sore! Mission accomplished. Overall this workout took me about 35 minutes, and I was able to hit every muscle group:

Bis, tris, chest

3x15 bicep curls, standing on Bosu ball (multitasking, work that core!)
3x15 pushups, pushing off of flat side of Bosu (working on stability again!)
3x15 triceps kickbacks

Legs

3x15 leg press machine (love this one because I can lift as much as some guys at the gym, ha!)
3x15 seated leg curls
3x10 (on both legs) lunges

Back (lats) and shoulders (delts)

3x15 bent-over rows
3x10 front raises
3x10 lateral raises

Core

2x25 situps on Bosu (can you tell I love this thing yet?)
2x25 Russian twists, holding dumbbell
(was going to throw a plank or two in there, but I was running out of time!)

After that I finished up with an easy 25-minute run outside (which was supposed to be speed work, but the previously stress-fractured shins were saying, 'not tonight, honey.'), and I was feeling pretty good. Plus I got some practice in for making up full-body workouts on the spot, which totally builds my confidence as a trainer. Anyway, the point is that sometimes we work better under pressure, even in exercise, and can get in just as good of a workout in one hour as we can in two!

Lots of New Things

Hi! Another long hiatus, I know. Anyway, a LOT has happened since then!

1) I moved! We got a nice new apartment two blocks away from our old one (long hike, right?), and we actually moved a few loads using shopping carts because we're a little ghetto like that. Oh, and because we don't have cars. But anyway, it has huge windows, high ceilings, and best of all, we're on the third floor instead of the garden level (read:basement). It's a three bedroom, so we got a third roommate, one of my friends from grade school and UMich. She's a personal trainer, yoga/pilates instructor, and life coach. She's got so much energy and runs her own business, and I love it! Seriously inspiring.

2) I got a job as a personal trainer! Yesterday, I made it official by going down and signing all the paperwork! I've been ISSA certified for about two months now, but after I quit the corporate gig in July, I kind of just putzed around to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I finally went downtown to the gym I've worked out at, and said, 'hey, looking for trainers?' Lucky for me, they were! And lucky for me, I know half the trainers there so it shouldn't be toooo hard to transition. Either way though, this is going to be a totally different experience for me! And I am so excited!

3) I started a Twitter account (that's what you call it, right?). As soon as I told my friend Rach I had gotten the job, she gave me the assignment of starting one up. So I did! I am still super wary of it, because I don't know if I need everyone knowing my business (oh wait, I have a blog...but this is still fairly anonymous. At least it was until I link it to a Twitter feed). But for business purposes, maybe it's something I'll have to get over? For those of you that have it, what do you think of it?

OK, I'm off to get some coffee and cheer on our boys in maize and blue....HAIL!!