Lately at work, everyone has been sick! We all have colds right now, and it probably doesn’t help that we all hang out with each other for 14 hours at a time on very little sleep at a super germy gym. We’re totally passing it back and forth to one another.
At the same time, a lot of us here are working towards certain fitness goals and training for sports or competitions, especially with summer coming up. Being trainers, we’re all pretty committed to it, but I’m starting to get a little hyperaware of what I’m doing, how much I’m training, and what I’m eating. While I like the discipline I’m getting back, I’m also getting a little nervous about how much I’m starting to think about my training and my diet. Because the guys are constantly talking about their food and calories and how much weight they need to cut and how if they don’t puke they aren’t working out hard enough, I’ve caught myself thinking about these same things. A lot.
The thing is, I really don’t want to. Yes, I want to be healthy and make conscious choices about my food and workouts, but I don’t want it to escalate to obsession. Because I’ve been there before, and I have no desire to let being a certain weight or size completely run my life again. In college, I was so focused on keeping my weight down (at a weight that was far too low for me, in fact), that I planned out every little thing I put in my mouth (planning isn’t bad, but the level to which I did it was ridiculous), and I ended up putting so much stress on my body with exercise that my period stopped.
So I think you can understand why getting anywhere near that territory again scares me. Before, I was influenced by other people too. All of my friends being fixated on their weight and food put in my head that I should be too. I sort of ‘caught’ disordered eating habits from the women around me (and maybe society as a whole, but that’s another post). Here it’s a bunch of guys with “athletic goals,” so no one says they have eating disorders. They admire each others’ commitment, even though sometimes it clearly is disordered behavior.
Before, when I lived with all girls in the dorms and in the sorority house, it was actually a similar situation. We talked about food and calories allll the time, and girls were always giving each other tips or asking questions on how to cut calories and fill up on the smallest amount. The girls that could eat the least seemed to have a whole lot of self control and received praise, but I think we all knew it wasn’t healthy. I happened to be one of those girls for most of college. I ate “super healthy” all the time – which actually meant that I stayed away from sweets, loaded up on veggies to stay full, and ate the least amount of calories possible while running every day. But there was also a backlash from that, with my house mom telling me I looked a little too skinny and someone starting a rumor that I didn't eat dinner at the house some nights because I didn't want people knowing how little I actually ate (for the record, I had to work during the little half hour window they gave us for dinner at the house.) Anyway, at one point I was living on 700-1000 calories a day (unless I drank, then it was just a little more – that’s what we call “drunkorexia,” folks), running 6-7 miles daily, and lifting a few times a week. I’m shocked I never passed out, honestly. Anyway, I convinced myself that I was just really disciplined, when in fact, I was really obsessed and had major control issues.
I do want to keep up this discipline and renewed commitment to feeling like an athlete again, but I don’t want to drive myself crazy with it as I did in the past. I already caught a cold from the guys I work with, but I’d like to avoid catching anything more serious.
What do you all think? Can you ‘catch’ an eating disorder or disordered eating from someone else? Or do you think some people are actually predisposed to EDs? Do other people influence your food and exercise choices? I really want to know how you feel about this topic, so spill!
This is a really good post. I think if you interviewed some professionals, it would also make a really good article for Shape or Fitness. You should send them a query (as an English major you probably know how to do this better than I do) and offer to write an in-depth article about this topic. I have never heard of eating disorders being contagious, but I'm sure they are, as the people you live with can certainly influence your behavior for better or worse. -Betc1313
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have an eating disorder and have had it since college. That's what therapy is for. I don't know if you can begin to get healthy until you face your demons and not project them on to your surroundings. I hope you take the steps to get help.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an honest post - thanks Heather. I think a lot of people can probably relate to this - I think so many people (women especially) take on some of the characteristics or behaviors of close friends or co-workers. While I don't think that you will "catch" anything more serious :) I do think that it takes extra strength when you're around those people to keep up doing what works for you and not let their behaviors influence your thoughts. Not even with food and working out, but even like, negativity or around complainers - it's easy to think or be like these types of people. Anyways, thanks again for being so honest and open!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post, Heather. To Anonymous...I train with Heather once or twice every week and I spend a lot of time talking to her. I don't think she has an eating disorder from the way that we talk and from the fact that I've seen her eat on more than one occasion. We talk regularly about what types of foods we should be eating and about getting the right amount of calories each day (since I'm bad about not eating enough calories or eating too many empty calories), and she has counseled me through some tough times when I wanted to give up healthy habits and just stop eating altogether. If anything, she is well-qualified to talk about this topic and she has really encouraged me to step back and respect myself in my health goals by focusing less on weight and more on taking care of my body.
ReplyDeleteAs for the idea that an ED can be contagious, I can tell you from experience that almost any mental or addiction problem can be "contagious" from drugs to alcohol to food to sex, etc. I went to an all girls high school, and we definitely had a higher rate of anorexia than any of the other co-ed schools because we often fed off of one another's attempts to be the skinniest, prettiest girl in school. Oftentimes, girls had to leave school just to get over their disorders, which is kind of like the idea of having to stay away from people who might give you the flu when you are trying to get over a cold.
I really like this post. I agree with Kate, I think that eating disorders, just like any other behavior, can be contagious. Heather's not "projecting her demons" onto anyone. Although the phrase "if you lay down with dogs, you'll rise up with fleas" somewhat loosely applies, it's common knowledge that you are bound to pick up the habits of those around you. I think it's great that Heather was perceptive enough to pick up on and distinguish between the healthy and unhealthy habits of her coworkers. She's taking a proactive approach by acknowledging her observations and posting them so that maybe someone else in a similar situation can relate and share their own experience. Thanks for this article, Heather.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through Chandra's....I love it! I'm in Indy, so we're kind of neighbors. :-)
ReplyDeleteI can SO relate to this, and definitely think it's dangerous for those who've suffered from disordered eating in the past to be subjected to those kinds of comments. I was the same as you off/on through college, and especially after I got out and started training for marathons.
For the most part, I surround myself with mostly healthy people, but my best friend has me questioning everything I'm eating/doing lately. She just started working out (she has about 50 pounds to lose) and is obsessed with workouts. In my head, I know I don't need to work out at the same level as she since I'm NOT trying to lose weight, but it's hard when she reports/compares her workouts to mine.
It sounds easy to say, "Well, just stay away from these people!" But of course this is my BFF, and these are your co-workers, so it's not quite that simple. I'm trying my best to work through it by telling myself I'm doing ENOUGH. And comparing myself to others is not the solution!
Eating disorders is a situation when individual experience severe disturbances in his or her eating behaviors, like there is extreme of reduction in their food intake or extremes in overeating. There are two types of eating disorders named Anorexia nervosa and Bulimia nervosa. It is mostly seen in stage of adolescence or even in young adulthood. Females are more likely to have this type of disorder than males. People having eating disorders are likely to have depression, anxiety disorder etc. For more details refer eating disorders
ReplyDelete