New Year's Resolutions: A Do or a Don’t?

Is time really passing? Dick Clark's face makes me wonder.

Yep, another New Years piece. Probably the 50th or maybe 500th you’ve read in the past week, but hey, I’ve always liked a theme.

First of all, I’ve always loved NYE, but I think it’s gotten too hyped up, and when there’s so much pressure on something to be great, it can really suck when it disappoints. Take last year for example: A group of friends and I decided to get tickets to the party at the Drake hotel (which cost $150 more than I wanted it to, by the way). Anyway, I had it in my head that it was going to be this elegant affair, and I was just SO excited. Well guess what? It was all drunk 25ish-year-olds stumbling around in their finest, and it was so not what I had imagined. I had four drinks over the course of about five hours, and I hardly remembered midnight because they were that strong. What I do recall pretty clearly is what a letdown it was and how I, for no apparent reason, ended the night upset and crying and being THAT girl. This year, my roommate and I are going to a keg party wearing jeans. I have no expectations, and that’s the way I like it.

So, similarly, I’m pretty torn on how I feel about New Years’ resolutions. Best thing ever? Or total bummer at midnight of next New Years? On the one hand, I like goals, and it’s really just another type of goal. But on the other hand, it’s kind of forcing you to change at a certain time just because everyone else is, not necessarily when you’re ready. And this makes resolutions hard for people to stick to it, because you can’t change until you really want to.

I know that I made a lot of resolutions last year that I didn’t completely keep. All these things about getting healthier and happier and whatever else, and honestly, I feel I was a bit too ambitious. I had like 10 goals for 2009! And I didn’t break them down into doable steps – they were kind of vague and, well, they sounded a little grand. This year, I’m taking an idea my friend Rachel has been using for a while now, and I’m making smaller goals each month that I will carry on throughout the year. They’ll tie into the objective of making 2010 my healthiest and happiest year yet, but they will be specific and attainable.

So, since I’m not making a New Years’ resolution per se, I’ll give you my January goals:

1) Get more sleep. I am TERRIBLE at this. I sleep on weekends and that’s pretty much it. I know how crucial sleep is to every other aspect of my health, so I have to make it a priority. I am going to get seven hours of sleep at least 5 nights per week. No exceptions.
2) Sit somewhere different on the bus. Yeah, I’m completely serious on this one. I feel like sometimes you just need to change your point of view, and I’m starting with my seat on public transit.
3) Strength train twice per week. Fitness is my job, and I haven’t been perfect with the resistance/strength aspect of my workouts in the past two months. Gotta practice what I preach!
4) Write and post at least once per week. Because I have been a slacker.

What about everyone else? Are you making resolutions? How do you feel about them? And what’s everyone doing tonight!?

Just Say No

Ralphie should have just said no.

Ah, the holidays. The most wonderful time of the year, no? Well, in recent years with our winter festivities running on steroids and taking up every waking second, for some the answer to that question might really be a big fat NO. From Thanksgiving to January 1st, there’s plenty of time to go crazy with everything we try to do. I personally love the holidays, but even I can’t help feeling as though I’m being stretched a little thin around this time of year.

I’ve found that the only solution to this problem is something I’m sure you’ve heard over and over again: Learn how to say ‘no.’ Just one word, two little letters, but for some reason, it’s really, really hard for a lot of us – especially women – to say it, even when we truly want to. This idea should be put into practice all year round honestly, but we’ll take baby steps and start with the holidays. So here’s an idea: stop considering every other person on the planet’s feelings and start considering what you actually need to do to keep your sanity this winter.

If you’ve been invited to your eighth cookie-decorating party of the season hosted by your third cousin once removed, and you just totally need to go running instead or you’ll strangle the first kid who reaches across you for the vanilla frosting, then say no. If you’re asked to partake in yet another Secret Santa or Dirty Christmas exchange, and you are totally tapped out and buying even a tiny gift will make you and your wallet scream, just say no. If your coworkers ask you to go out for holiday happy hour (again), and you haven’t even been able to enjoy your Christmas tree or just sit and enjoy a cup of hot cocoa at home yet, then say no. No matter what anyone says, taking time out for you during the holidays is not selfish. It’s essential.

So here’s the challenge: In what’s left of your holiday season (hey, we all have New Year’s coming up), just say no to one thing you actually don’t want to do. Maybe you do want to hit up that cookie party – go ahead and bring your award-winning sugar cookies. But if you feel like you’d rather spend booze calories and bar time on a mug full of chocolate and marshmallows while taking in the A Christmas Story marathon (leg lamps, frozen tongues, and Red Ryder air rifles for 24 hours straight on TBS starting tomorrow!), then tell the office pals you’ll see them on Monday. The world will not stop turning if you miss one holiday gathering this year. I promise. So go, enjoy the holiday season, and report back on how good it felt to say no!

How to Not Get Hit On at the Gym

A little while back, Rachel over at sheddingit.com posted a video about how to catch your gym crush's eye and seal the deal. Well as a personal trainer at the gym, I get hit on enough already, and sometimes would like to minimize that. I hear everything, even when I'm not looking so cute, so sometimes not getting male attention at the gym is just fine with me. Yes, I'll give you a free workout, but not that kind. No, I will not help you stretch, especially when you ask me like that.

SO, here are my (almost) surefire ways to keep the menfolk at bay if you're like me and sometimes just want to be left the hell alone during your workouts.

If you're on the gym floor:

The look: Start by wearing NO makeup. The darker the circles and duller the skin, the better. The hair should definitely be in a ponytail, and if you've gone a few days without washing, it's going to be even more advantageous to you. Next, pick out your rattiest, oldest, baggiest t-shirt. If you have huge b-ball shorts to go along with it, AWESOME. You're in business. Don't let any hint of your shape be seen. The more you look like a walking sack, the less positive attention you'll attract. Oh, and make sure nothing matches. If you want to go the other direction and dress like you're in an 80s jazzercise video, you can play up the crazy, out-of-touch thing. Just make sure you don't look like Jane Fonda circa 1985 in your getup, or you'll probably get hit on even more, especially by the older gentlemen at the gym who long for the days of neon and spandex gone by.

Behavior: First, make sure that iPod/mp3 player/Discman/Walkman (this goes nicely with the 80s aerobics look) is in plain sight. As a trainer who talks to randoms during their workouts all day long, I know it's a lot less intimidating to come up to someone who is sans music. If you don't think your little earbuds will be effective enough, go all out with the big recording studio headphones. You'll look unapproachable and slightly crazy. Perfect. Make sure you rock out to your music as hard as you can, without screwing up your workout, of course. You want to make the point that you are there to actually work out, so don't go overboard with the antics.

If you're lifting, go ahead and grunt a little to get your point across. Do NOT drop the weights though. You can keep people away without pissing them off. If you're doing cardio, do it hard. The easiest people to approach are the ones who are taking it easy on the ellipticals or walking on the treadmills, looking like they're out for a nice Sunday stroll. You shouldn't be doing either of these anyway if you're looking to get an effective workout, but let this serve as a reminder. Ladies, you have to SWEAT. Run or bike hard, and at no point should you smile. Go ahead, look mean. You have my permission.

Bonus Points: Don’t wear deodorant. Yeah. This tip is not for the faint of heart, and I don’t really recommend it, but I’ll give extra credit to whoever tries it as a last resort to get rid of unwanted attention. But again, a last resort. Like, VERY last.

In the pool:

This strategy is WAY easier, since this kind of workout comes with its own inherent buffers. First, you have the water. As soon as you go under, you are excused from communicating with anyone. Only the bold will jump in front of you while you're doing laps in order to start a conversation. And at that point, you have the right to not only look mean, but act mean as well. (I mean, who does that?) However, there are those that just don't get it, so if you're going to swim, again, swim hard. No leisurely laps for you. This way you look like you mean business (which you do, right?). Another built-in advantage to swimming is that almost no one looks cute while doing it. Speedos are not flattering by any means, swim caps make you look bald, and your goggles will inevitably leave red rings around your eyes. Plus, have you seen the faces swimmers make while breathing? Mean muggin' for sure.

So there you have it. Next time you just want to exercise in peace, try one of these tactics, and I can almost* guarantee a flirt-free workout.

*Exceptions do apply, as with the especially oblivious/persistent and those that have seen you looking totally normal and cute at the gym who may or may not be stalking you.

Early to Rise...

So... I'm not sure I've mentioned this, but I am NOT a morning person. The only thing I think when I hear, "The early bird catches the worm," is What's so great about worms? I'll admit that once I get up, I can be really productive, and I'll start feeling a little self-righteous and say, "OK, FINE, it IS nice to be up and getting shiz done before everyone else." But for the most part, when life lets me sleep in a little, I'm pretty appreciative. (and The Great Fitness Experiment post here makes me feel just fine about that.) I'm a night person by nature, and I get really inspired, and my energy goes through the roof at about 8pm. I'll go to work for a 6am client and be dead the whole day, but when nighttime rolls around, my energy spikes back up, especially if you get me talking.

Anyway, this morning I was dragged out of bed at 5am by Beyonce's "Freakum Dress," because I had a 6:30am potential-client workout in the pool. The bus shook me awake a little (there is NO need to drive like that at 5:45, Miss #36 bus driver), but I was still barely trudging along when I got into work. Of course, said client didn't show up, and she was my ONLY client until 1pm, so at first I was a tad annoyed. BUT instead of sitting and pouting in my Speedo or trying to nap in the back room (bad idea when you work with all guys who attack and mess with you when you least expect), I decided to make the best of the situation.

I changed into my running clothes, but because I knew I wouldn't get an amazing long run in (like I said, I peak later in the day), I decided to just crank out a hard 20 minutes to wake me up. I plan on getting a good long swim in later, but MAN, that felt great. I did a quick, sweaty 2.5 miles, cleaned up, and got myself to Starbucks to do some writing -- all before 8:30am. I will admit, as I sit here sipping my coffee, and as everyone else is just starting their day by picking up lattes and venti Americanos to take to work, I am feeling a bit self-righteous. And I'm thinking that maybe every once in a while, I don't mind being the early bird. Even if I really don't like worms.

So I realized I never really went into how I turned my entire career upside down and went into personal training. I don't even really know if I mentioned I was going to do it (might have mentioned it here). I just stopped posting and then I came back and was like, "Blah, blah, quit my job, yadda yadda, and at the gym... ." So here's the story...

I had been working with a trainer at my gym downtown, and I kept complaining about how tired I always was and how much I hated my job (my soul felt it was being sucked out by the industrial strength vacuums my company sold). Slowly that turned into me asking my trainer about his certifications and how everyone at the gym had gotten into training. Finally, he just said, "Why don't you just get certified?" and it just all became so clear. He suggested that I go through ISSA, which turned out to be genius, because it's accredited by the US Department of Education, meaning that my nice office job would pay for it since it counted as continuing education!

Anyway, I planned to get certified, save up a little more money, and then transition into the new job. Well, only problem was that I hated my job SO much that it was affecting the rest of my life. I was so apathetic that I had no motivation to do anything. Except study, that is. Because I knew that the sooner I could get certified, the sooner I could get OUT of a job I knew in my heart was all wrong for me. So I studied nonstop for two months -- on the train, after work, all weekend long. I was just finishing the program when I decided that the day had come to put in my two-weeks notice. So I did, and on my last day of work, I found out I had passed my exam and had become a certified personal trainer. Whew.

Then I took a month off to just enjoy a Chicago summer. I read, I wrote, I tanned (yeah, yeah, I KNOW), I slept. I loved it, but I was ready to get back to work because I was getting restless (my Dad has told me before that he always thought I had ADHD), and, oh right, I was running out of moo-lah. So I decided I needed to start applying to gyms, but I already knew where I wanted to work. I interviewed at a few places, but I had always intended to work at the gym where I had originally trained as a client. I walked in and asked for the fitness director, and as soon as he saw me, he said, "Well, look who it is!" He had me fill out and application and set up a practical interview on the spot. I knew I was going to like this job!

Fast forward to two months later, and I'm slowly building up a client base and loving this job so much more than anything I've ever done. The days are long, and right now the pay is crappy, but I have so much more energy, and I'm so much more positive than I've been in quite some time. It was a change to go from working in a sedate office environment with mostly females to a loud gym with almost all dudes who say plenty of things that the feminist in me says I should be reporting to HR. (Kidding. Sort of.) But I really love everything about it. Work doesn't always feel like work, and exercising and talking to people are part of my job description. And I adore my coworkers, because in this job, it's not weird to be friends with the people you see most of the day. OH, and did I mention I get to wear sweats and spandex and running shoes all day? Plus, believe it or not, I actually feel like I'm using my degree more than I did before. I've always wanted to use my English and Women's Studies majors to do something with women's health/fitness, focusing especially on body image. This job is like the perfect case study for that! And I get to help people get healthy and feel better about themselves. And liking my job this much has motivated me even more to work on the other half of my dream -- writing. So, as I mentioned before, everything in my life might not be perfect right now, but I feel like I'm finally on the right track.

Big or small, what's something you've changed in your life lately?

Bad Reception

So... confession. Lately I haven't been perfectly tuned in to what my body needs or how I'm feeling. I've been so busy and so tired that I've been less than diligent about my health. My workouts have not been completely consistent and my eating hasn't been anywhere near what it should be. I know that keeping up a routine always improves the way I feel, but I've been slipping lately. My food hasn't been completely whole and healthy (packing enough healthy food for a 14-hour day at the gym is hard!), and I'm working on a teeny budget. And I haven't been doing what I need to do to keep my sanity. I haven't been writing and reading as much, so I've felt a little less creative (and a little dumber! I won't lie). Plus, my knees have been killing me for some reason, so the running mileage has decreased and the lower body strength training has been almost null. On a positive note, I have taken up swimming again in lieu of pounding the pavement (or the treadmill), and it's been a really good change of pace.

Anyway, I guess it's time to refresh and find the right station again so I can keep tuning into my health. I need to set a good example as a trainer, and most importantly, I just need to feel good!

First Day of Work!

Hi! Can't make this a long one because I need to get to bed, but today was my first day working at the gym, and I loved it! It's going to be hard work, and it's SO different from what I'm used to (goodbyeeeee, corporate America), but once I get the hang of it, I know it'll be what I was searching for.

Anyway, quick tip from today: If you have a job that requires you to be on your feet allll day, work that core! Strengthening your back and abs will make standing for 10 hours at a time totally bearable. Which is something I need to do myself, since stretching my back when I got home at 9pm tonight almost made me cry.

The Pro in Procrastination

Yesterday I put off working out for a little bit. Like, until 7pm. And the gym closes at 8.

So what's a girl to do when she needs to cram in a good workout in less than an hour? Crank up the intensity, baby! Which is exactly what I did.

Luckily, I can see the gym from my apartment window, so a) it's super close and b) I no longer have an excuse to skip it. Ever. Anyway, I was in by 7:10 and ready to go. I decided to do circuits with little to no rest in order to make it more difficult. Honestly, because it was so quick, I was worried that I hadn't worked hard enough, but this morning I woke up pretty sore! Mission accomplished. Overall this workout took me about 35 minutes, and I was able to hit every muscle group:

Bis, tris, chest

3x15 bicep curls, standing on Bosu ball (multitasking, work that core!)
3x15 pushups, pushing off of flat side of Bosu (working on stability again!)
3x15 triceps kickbacks

Legs

3x15 leg press machine (love this one because I can lift as much as some guys at the gym, ha!)
3x15 seated leg curls
3x10 (on both legs) lunges

Back (lats) and shoulders (delts)

3x15 bent-over rows
3x10 front raises
3x10 lateral raises

Core

2x25 situps on Bosu (can you tell I love this thing yet?)
2x25 Russian twists, holding dumbbell
(was going to throw a plank or two in there, but I was running out of time!)

After that I finished up with an easy 25-minute run outside (which was supposed to be speed work, but the previously stress-fractured shins were saying, 'not tonight, honey.'), and I was feeling pretty good. Plus I got some practice in for making up full-body workouts on the spot, which totally builds my confidence as a trainer. Anyway, the point is that sometimes we work better under pressure, even in exercise, and can get in just as good of a workout in one hour as we can in two!

Lots of New Things

Hi! Another long hiatus, I know. Anyway, a LOT has happened since then!

1) I moved! We got a nice new apartment two blocks away from our old one (long hike, right?), and we actually moved a few loads using shopping carts because we're a little ghetto like that. Oh, and because we don't have cars. But anyway, it has huge windows, high ceilings, and best of all, we're on the third floor instead of the garden level (read:basement). It's a three bedroom, so we got a third roommate, one of my friends from grade school and UMich. She's a personal trainer, yoga/pilates instructor, and life coach. She's got so much energy and runs her own business, and I love it! Seriously inspiring.

2) I got a job as a personal trainer! Yesterday, I made it official by going down and signing all the paperwork! I've been ISSA certified for about two months now, but after I quit the corporate gig in July, I kind of just putzed around to figure out what I was going to do with my life. I finally went downtown to the gym I've worked out at, and said, 'hey, looking for trainers?' Lucky for me, they were! And lucky for me, I know half the trainers there so it shouldn't be toooo hard to transition. Either way though, this is going to be a totally different experience for me! And I am so excited!

3) I started a Twitter account (that's what you call it, right?). As soon as I told my friend Rach I had gotten the job, she gave me the assignment of starting one up. So I did! I am still super wary of it, because I don't know if I need everyone knowing my business (oh wait, I have a blog...but this is still fairly anonymous. At least it was until I link it to a Twitter feed). But for business purposes, maybe it's something I'll have to get over? For those of you that have it, what do you think of it?

OK, I'm off to get some coffee and cheer on our boys in maize and blue....HAIL!!

Balancing Act

(real beer?! can it be?)

In the past few weeks, I feel like I've really learned the meaning of balance. I've been really working hard on getting back into a healthy routine since I left my job at the end of July to become a personal trainer/writer full time. I mean I had a few weeks to do nothing but work out and write and lay on the beach, right? Should have been easy, right? Unfortunately, that was not the case.

Somehow -- and I don't know how it happened -- I developed a social life. Guess that's what happens when you aren't working 40-plus hours a week and commuting 3 hours a day. Who knew? Well, anyway, a social life after 21 years of age often involves a decent amount of drinking, and that was definitely not part of my shape-up plan. Neither was an impromptu one-night trip to Michigan to live it up like a sorostitute again for one of my oldest friend's birthdays. Neither were dates with boys who do not understand why on earth you would order a light beer when it tastes like water (not that I think this, but to guys my Corona/Miller/[insert classy domestic beer] light is boring, and I'm trying to be more adventurous here!), and who think lettuce's only use is to add crunch to a burger. But the thing is, all of these things I hadn't planned on are actually pretty enjoyable, and I've been SO much happier lately. I have a life for the first time in what feels like ages, I'm meeting new people, and I'm loving summer in Chicago. And I'm learning that a few extra calories here and there don't have to completely throw me off.

Oh, right, and I'm relearning this whole flexibility thing, which for a semi Type-A personality like myself, can be a bit difficult to master at times. I'm kicking ass at the gym, and training for a half marathon with a friend long-distance (hi, Rach!). I've been lifting a ton again too, which I love because my body always looks better even if the pounds aren't flying off. And truth be told, I love lifting as much as possible and feeling like a total dude at the gym. Anyway, all of this has been a good lesson for me, and I've been handling it rather well. Was every day the epitome of balance? Was I perfect? Not by a long shot. But overall, the pattern has been pretty good. I eat well most days, and if someone calls and wants to go out, I can handle it without thinking that 2 drinks is going to completely derail me. Even if I get off track for a few days (uhhh, this weekend included two nights of staying out until 4am --who am I!?), I'm finding that I'm much better able to deal. And get back on track the next chance I get. I think I may be heading towards --dare I say it? --normal eating territory. And it feels pretty good.

This is totally me at the gym everyday. Juuuust kidding.

MIA

Oops, month-long hiatus....

I've been busy, but I'll get back to it soon! Let's just say some big changes are under way. I recently cut the cord at work, so in less than two weeks I will be dunzo with corporate America. I'm going to do the writing thing full-time (a book?!), and in about a month (after I practice on myself and kick my butt into awesome shape) I'm going to apply to a bunch of gyms in the area as a personal trainer! I am so pumped it's not even funny. And things seem to really be falling into place for me....more details on that later.

On the health front, I found out why I am exhausted ALL THE TIME. Apparently I have crazy-low iron levels, so that means I started taking a supplement right away. Hopefully I'll see results soon, but until then, Mom (she's a nurse practitioner at a preventative medicine office) tells me I shouldn't be doing crazy intense workouts or anything, and she's surprised I haven't passed out. Wow. OK. Time to take my health even more seriously! If other things weren't motivation enough, this is kind of a big deal. I need to fix it before it turns into full-blown anemia. This means I'm going to try to even incorporate a little -- gulp -- red meat into my diet.

As far as fitness goes, I've been working on doing more resistance training (nothing crazy, obvi; see above), and making sure that hitting the weight room at least three times per week is the norm. I think I lost some muscle mass after moving here because I focused mostly on cardio. Losing the muscle mass probably is making it harder to lose, so I've gotta work on that. Well, now I'm doing a bit of both, and making gym time a priority. I know that I cannot sacrifice my health for financial reasons. For a while I was taking on extra freelance work (after looong days spent commuting and working), but the extra money did me no good, as it was costing me my health. Plus I was probably buying crap and processed shit that cost more anyway because I was always so tired. Anyway. I cannot wait until I have a few weeks off to focus on (not obsess over) my health and my writing after I leave my desk job.

Sigh. OK. I'm feeling good about life, and that was my explanation for dropping off the face of the blogging planet. Once I have a little more time, you can bet this baby will becoming more of a priority! I love health and fitness, and I love writing, so perfect combo right here. Until then though (9 working days!), posts will be sporadic so that I can focus on really tuning into what this girl's body really needs!

Together Again

So listen guys, Running and I may have gotten back together. I know, I know. It was a short break. But I thought about it a lot. And we are going to take things slow this time. Not dive into it like last time and tell ourselves that 6 to 8 miles at a fast clip every single day is good for us.

Running and I have talked about it, and we're going to keep things casual for a while. I think I'm still going to do other activities, and we'll just spend a little time together every week. It will be kind of like when you break up with your boyfriend but miss him terribly because you know you can be so good together, so you decide that you guys will still talk sometimes and just meet up for coffee and maybe dinner, until you have it all figured out. Keep it friendly and without commitment, you know? (I need to stop comparing running to boyfriends and actually start dating, I think, because this is getting ridiculous.)

But instead of coffee (which I miss terribly right now because I am trying to give it up for a whole week!), we are doing short jogs a few times per week. Wednesday I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, and today I did 23. This weekend, if I'm really feeling it, I might take Running out for a spin by the lake. But an easy spin. I'm running when I feel like it and not forcing myself to do it when my shins are screaming or I'm drained after a long day at work. Because I believe that with Running, as with any other good relationship, my heart should actually be in it.

Loving Me For Me

OK, so I was cranky today. And a little yesterday. Alright, fine, and the day before. So let's do a little exercise in positivity, shall we?

Quick -- name two things you love about your physical self (I'm feeling a little shallow today, too) right now. Not when you weigh ten pounds less or when you have a tan or when you have had time to get yourself all gussied up. Right this very instant.

I will start, because...well, I need to stop being so cranky.

A few things I LOVE about myself:

1) My eyebrows. Even when I'm wearing zero makeup, they still give me a little drama and make me look more expressive. I touch them up a little with the tweezers, but other than that I guess I've been given good brow genes. (Thanks, Mom!)
2) My eyes. No matter how much weight I gain or lose, or how much sun I've gotten, they are still a lovely shade of blue that changes depending on what I'm wearing. I've even been told they're 'mesmerizing.' (If you must know, I actually laughed really hard at this, embarrassing the boy who said it. Sometimes I don't handle compliments very well...)
3) Yeah, three, whatever, it's my blog. I really like the part of my ankle that slopes into my feet. It's strong but somewhat delicate at the same time (which is not representative of me at all, but I love it anyway), and I like the way my ankles and legs look in heels. Actually I kind of like my feet too, even though I have been told they're atrocious. Years of dancing, running, and swimming will do that to you I guess. Whatevs, they're lived in and strong, and that makes me like them even more.

OK, so I guess I actually listed four. I cheated.

What do you all love about your bod or your appearance right now? And since I broke the rules, you can too. Name as many things as you like!

I'm Full of Artificial Sweetener

Ten points for whoever can name that song. (which really shouldn't be hard, especially if you know me)

So.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this whole hormonal imbalance idea. I already know my hormones are a bit wacky, and I've been doing a lot of reading about fixing your hormones on your own by living clean --especially eating clean. So I've decided I should clean up my diet. Now it's not like I am a regular at McDonald's, but I know I eat some things that are so not good for me that it's not even funny. I want to get rid of the icky stuff to see if I can a) fix my crazy hormones and maybe even my moods (omg, winter in Chicago did NOT help) and b) drop some lbs that I have not been happy about carrying around for the past year.

And I know I should want to eat clean, simple, whole foods for the fact that it's good for me (and the environment!) alone. Buuuut, I'm a girl. And a girl that is used to being thin and fit, so the weight thing is going to be an issue that I will try to tackle as well. Because, you see, I have been trying to get back in shape. I really have. I've even gone down a size... but it took me MONTHS. I know my desk job isn't helping, but I spend a fair amount of time at the gym and spinach and I are practically BFFs these days. I should be losing at a slow, healthy pace, no? Well, no, I'm not. I'm hardly losing at all. I eat mindfully and make sure it's mostly healthy foods. I count the cals and up my protein. I'm a Bally regular and I walk everywhere that I can. I am awesome about it for weeks on end, eschewing drinking and increasing my cardio, doing all the right things. And I can feel little differences, I really can. But then I go to weigh myself or try on the pair of pants that was just a tiny bit too snug, and NOTHING. I think my face looks thinner and my pants are looser, but no, the scale has other ideas and laughs in my face. And then, in my self-pitying state, I will go buy something chocolate as soon as I leave the gym. A tad counterproductive -- I do realize this. And I know this is not a good habit! I don't know where it came from because it didn't happen until recently. But anyway. Another topic, another time.

Point is, my metabolism should NOT be this shot. I'm only 23 (24 in 2 weeks, eep!) so it might not be like when I was 16, but it should not be as slow as it is! I'm sure a little disordered eating in my past has not helped it, but whoa, it's like it's not running at all. Anyway, I've been reading a lot of Jillian Michaels' tidbits on hormonal imbalance (love her, want her arms and her tranny cut abs) and also Dr. Hyman's UltraMetabolism/UltraSimple Diet plans, and they all say our bodies are messed up from the fake crap we put into them.

Soooo... first on the agenda is cutting out the -- you guessed it -- artificial sweetener. In college, I was Queen Splenda and an expert on all things sugarfree. Even though most of those SF products gave me stomach pain and sent me to the bathroom (TMI, yeah sorry), I didn't care because I was skinny. Now, I think I'm finally paying for it. (Either that or Starbucks found out I was stealing Splenda and has decided to conspire against me, slipping full fat cream into my coffee instead of soy. Corporate coffee karma or something like that.) So, while I still may have other not-so-hot-for-me foods in my diet, I'm going to start with this one step and nix the chemically altered sugar subs. It's been almost a week and I'm still going strong...which is hard for me because I was chewing gum like it was my JOB when I was at my actual job. Just sipping on H2O at my desk all day is weird. It feels like something is missing, but I know this is a good thing! Next up, I'm going to cut out sugar for a bit (not fruit though, no way. this ALWAYS backfires on me) and then alcohol. But not this weekend, because come Saturday I plan on having the Corona that is calling my name from the fridge. After this hellish week, it's been practically yelling at me, in fact.

I'll leave you with a few of the scary foods I was eating before:

Splenda, one of the usual suspects. I was putting this on everything save dinner. Unless dinner was oatmeal, then all bets were off.

Not saying these are all bad, and that folks haven't succeeded on the SB Diet, but...to lower the carbs, they had to do a lot of playing around in a lab. I personally do not want to ingest someone's science experiment.

When I was a whiskey-swilling skinny bitch in college, Diet Coke and I used to have a lot of threesomes with Jack (Daniel). I was a wild woman, I tell ya.

Ah yes, my favorite of all the scary shit I've eaten. 50 grams of protein in one shake folks. I'm not sure what I was even going for here. But wait... it gets better....

This is what it looks like mixed up!! I'm pretty sure this color does not occur in nature, and if it does, you shouldn't eat it. This picture doesn't even do it justice either. And believe it or not, this tastes worse than it looks. I pretty much don't have a gag reflex -- nothing makes me ill -- and this almost made me vom right in the work cafeteria. It was 'strawberry' but tasted like salty PeptoBismol. Mmmm.

OK, so, just looking at that last picture reminded me of why I need to clean up my act. Where do you think you can stand to or where would you like to clean up your eating habits?

A Runner's Low

Dear Running,

I don't know how to say this but... I think we need to take a break. I know what you're thinking, by 'break' I mean that it's over, right? No, no, no, please. Let me reassure you that this is not what I mean at all. Because I love you, I really do. Our history is a long and complicated one, but one with more happiness than sadness, and I am just not willing to give you up.

But we still need to take a break. You say you'll try harder because you want to make this work. I say we've been trying, and I'm getting more and more frustrated. You say you didn't realize how bad the problem was getting. And I say, how could you not? My runs have dwindled to maybe once a week, and I haven't had a good run outside since St. Patrick's Day. The thing is, we both saw this coming, and we were both just waiting for the other to say something. You, dragging my feet when I try to break into a trot. Me, resisting your allure when you call to me on beautiful spring days from the lakefront trail just two blocks from my apartment.

In fact, I have a confession to make. You've been so hard on me and my shins and my ego lately that, well, I've been driven into the arms of another. I know I've always been faithful to you, but I just needed some time away and the elliptical understood me! You know, I really don't like it much, and I don't really know how much it's doing for me, but it doesn't hurt me. Probably won't be too upset when I break things off and dash back to you, either. It's like that cute boy I had a thing with a few summers ago, who I didn't really have any interest in, but who didn't really give me any grief either. The elliptical may just sit there and look pretty and not contribute at ALL while I do my thing and mindlessly burn calories, but it doesn't cause me the pain that you have over the last few months.

And Running, sweetheart, the pain is not just physical. So my hormones went crazy and living through a winter in Chicago made my frame a little heavier. Is that any reason to slow my pace down by the amount that you did? Of course I can still run -- it's not like I'm carrying around an extra person or anything -- but did you have to make me feel like I had never been a runner ever before in my life? Did you have to take my 7:30 pace away from me, and hand me a 9-minute mile on a good day, even through months of work? You make me feel lazy and like there is something wrong with me. I know you don't mean to, but you hurt me psychologically and emotionally. Lately, I've caught you checking out other girls (and even guys!), and you've been sending signals that tell me you don't think I'm a 'runner' anymore.

So, again, we need to take a break. Like I said, I love you, but I think some time apart would do us both some good. You go wild on the bike path next to Lakeshore drive. Have a ball down by North Avenue Beach. And I will enjoy the company of my trusty ten speed (once the tires are blown back up) and of the pool and the weights at the gym. We'll go out and see other people (activities?), and we will eventually realize how much we miss one another. I'll still wear your shoes and think of you fondly, and you'll make someone else pick up their pace when a really great/horrible pop song comes on. You'll miss my dedication to you, and I'll miss how badass I feel after finishing a ten miler and how hot my legs look in a dress. Don't roll your eyes at me, you know my vanity is endearing.

Keep in touch, with all my heart, xoxo, etc, etc,

Heather

The Voice Within

So, why am I on this sudden crusade to force myself (and hopefully convince other women) to listen to my (their) own body? Why am I all of a sudden realizing that I have been ignoring that voice for oh...the last 5 years? A culmination of things really.

First of all, my mom, the perpetual health nut and amazing nurse practitioner, has been on an even healthier kick since she started working at a new preventative medicine office. The doctors there are all about all-natural this and no-artificial that. Which I thought was cool from the get go, but never really gave it a second thought. However, mommy dearest has also been doing research and conducting presentations for the last few years on hormone therapy. While most of what she does is for menopausal women, she is well-versed in the study of other hormones and the effects they have on our bodies, too. She has worked with countless women who had no idea what was wrong other than the fact that they didn't feel 'right.' She has helped to correct imbalances and I admire her for her tireless dedication to improving the lives of others.

Personally, I've always had issues with my hormones, and recently I've decided that I really need to fix that. First of all, I was a very late bloomer, not hitting puberty until I was about 16. Some might think, 'oh cool, so you got to eat crap until you were 16 and not worry about it because your metabolism was probably that of a 12-year-old boy.' Well, yes and no. I was able to eat junk because I was essentially a prepubescent boy and also because I was crazy active, never doing less than two sports at a time. That was great -- until I hit DID hit puberty and didn't know how to handle the fact that my body didn't work the same way anymore. We had always been healthy eaters in my house, but I hadn't had to worry about portion control because I ate when I was hungry and stopped when full. Ah yes, intuitive eating, sound familiar? Well, senior year of high school, I merely filled out and finally looked sort of like a woman, so I wasn't too worried. But in college, I gained another 10 and decided that enough was enough and that I just wanted to feel good in my jeans again. So I did Weight Watchers online, which was great! I totally credit it with my successful loss and my learning that a serving of pasta was 1 cup and not the entire plate I had eaten to carbo-load for the state swim meets.

OK, so what's the problem with that? If that had been the end of my story, there would be no problem, but ... that's not the end. In fact, just now, there is no end. I suppose a little more background might be helpful here. After losing the weight and coming home very skinny after freshman year of college, I wanted to maintain that. After all, everyone else had gained the freshman 15 and I seemed to have lost it -- and then some. I did fine that summer, losing even a few more pounds (when I actually shouldn't have), and when I came back sophomore year, I came back ready to love college and make that year mine. It was at this point that I really stopped ignoring the signals my body was giving me.

I've always been an overachiever, and starting that year of college, I'm sure that peaked. Not only did I want to excel in school and in my activities, but I began focusing a little too much on food and exercise. To spare you the details, I didn't have a menstrual period for almost 3 years, at one point a few friends were concerned, and my cortisol levels were far too high. However, I ignored many of these signals -- that I was tired, that my body wasn't functioning normally, that some of my behaviors weren't the healthiest -- until senior year. I do credit some of my women's studies classes with helping me find a balance between unrealistic societal expectations and what I was actually capable of, but it was second semester senior year that really showed me how ragged I had run myself.

After finishing finals for my second-to-last semester of college, I had a breakdown of sorts and couldn't calm down, even when all of those stressors were removed. I called my sister sobbing hysterically, and when she asked what was wrong, I told her that I had just turned in my last paper and that I was done with the semester. She was worried after that, and the fact that she was concerned worried me. After talking to my mom, I went to our family physician at the time, and he diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. I thought he must be crazy at first because I had energy all the time and was almost always happy. I was social and successful and had everything going my way. But I also knew that I had been ignoring the fact that some days I felt terrible emotionally for no reason and that often, I wished I could sleep well into the afternoon. Still, it was a shock. But within three days of taking medication, my period came back and I haven't had a problem since. Clearly though, there had been a problem before. All I can think is that my cortisol levels were finally brought down and my body reacted quickly. While I didn't stay on the medication for very long (the fact that I was using artificial chemicals to fix imbalances in my brain freaked me OUT), and I know I still struggle with depression, I do credit those little pills with fixing at least one of my issues.

Fast forward to over two years later, and I'm still not completely sure how to listen to my body all of the time. Especially working full-time in an office setting, it's hard to listen to what you need sometimes. I have a deadline, so I can't be sick. I have to play office politics and be friendly, so I can't go off to lunch by myself today and write, even if it's what I really need to do. For the record, I am a very friendly person! But I think everyone can relate to needing a breather every now and then. I also think that women, more than anyone else, are expected to be social and talkative, and "on" all the time. On Friday, for example, I should have called sick because I felt sick to my stomach all morning. Instead though, I went in to work (an hour and a half commute) and tried to get some stuff done before admitting defeat and asking to go home. I should have listened to my body in the first place.

I do think I'm slowly getting better at it, but I think that is coming with practice and with understanding that what you need emotionally is also sometimes what you need physically. I plan on becoming a personal trainer because a) I know that this office job is not what I am meant to do and that it is not making me happy and b) I can feel physically that what I do is not good for my body and the way I personally work. Sitting at a desk all day (in the lower level with no sunlight) and hardly moving all day is not doing my body or my mind any favors. But because I (like many women), do not like giving up on things, it was hard to come to terms with the fact that working a 9to5 is not for me, even though it seems to suit all of my friends just fine. However, I do think that listening to my body, mind, and heart is going to get me a lot further -- in many respects.

How about you? Could you stand to listen to your body a bit more? Or are you pretty tuned in?